Ok, now I'm annoyed

[[_KaNdii_]]

Why Are So Many Women Depressed? Part I
By Dennis Prager
http://townhall.com/columnists/DennisPrager/2008/03/11/why_are_so_many_women_depressed_part_i
Tuesday, March 11, 2008

It is widely reported that women suffer depression at twice the rate of men. Apparently, more women are clinically depressed than ever before.

On the assumption that these assessments are true, the question anyone interested in the subject -- which means anyone who cares about any woman -- is, why?

As one who regularly talks to women, and about men and women, on my radio show and who has informally counseled women of all ages, I would like to offer some explanations that may run counter to currently acceptable ones, but which should shed light on the subject.

Assuming that any new phenomenon -- in this case, much higher rates of depression among women -- suggests a new cause, the major new cause can only be the consequences of feminism.

This does not mean that feminism has achieved nothing good. Of course it has. A movement for equality between the sexes, an attempt to remove all sex-based obstacles to a woman's right to do whatever she wishes with her life, must do some good.

But how much good feminism has achieved is unrelated to the question of whether it is a, or even the, primary contributor to the rise in depression among so many women. One can view feminism as the greatest social achievement since the emancipation of slaves and still regard it as the major reason many women are depressed.

So, enumerating the reasons feminism has caused many women's depression is not necessarily an indictment of feminism. Many good social developments come with personal prices.

We begin our list with the expectations feminism raised in a generation of women.

As I wrote in my book on happiness ("Happiness Is a Serious Problem," HarperCollins), much unhappiness comes from having expectations. When our expectations are not fulfilled -- and most are not -- we can become unhappy and even bitter. And when our expectations are fulfilled, we are no happier because fulfilled expectations undermine gratitude (we are not grateful when we get what assume we will get) and gratitude is indispensable to happiness.

Feminism raised women's expectations beyond what life can deliver to the vast majority of them. It was hard enough for women in the past to realize their far fewer expectations of marrying a good man and making a happy family. But feminism told a generation of women that they can not only expect to have that but, perhaps even more important to feminism, they could also expect to have a fulfilling, financially rewarding, society-honoring career.

I wish all Americans could hear the women who call my radio show who tell of how they were raised to believe this feminist promise, and therefore pursued often successful careers while delaying marriage. And now at 35, 40, 45 years of age, they wonder why that career is so unfulfilling and now yearn for a man and family they put off having.

For most women -- of course, not all -- careers are not nearly as fulfilling as are a good marriage and family. The astronaut who destroyed her career -- perhaps the most prestigious career in America for either a man or a woman -- out of romantic jealousy is an extreme but instructive example.

Unless one believes that women and men are the same and therefore the same things bring them happiness, the feminist emphasis on career has been an obstacle to many women's happiness. As a rule, women derive most of their happiness from relationships, not from work. Men need both to be happy far more than women do. Men's very identity is predicated on their answer to the question, "What do you do?" Whether fair or not -- to either sex -- virtually no woman's identity is dependent on what she does for a living. That is why, while both sexes suffer financially from the loss of a job, when men lose their jobs, they often also lose their self-worth as a man. The greater importance of work to men is also manifested in their willingness to work many more hours than woman.

To make things even worse for many women, not only are most women not finding their careers nearly as fulfilling as they had been led to expect, they rarely find the demands of home life lessened much. Now many women experience double the pressure -- having to succeed in jobs outside of the home and, as much as ever, inside the home. The feminist promise that everything in their marriage will be 50-50 -- each partner will do half the outside work, half the housework, and half the child rearing -- has rarely panned out. Most men will work their tails off outside the home, but won't inside the home. Consequently, many working women either experience increased tension with their husband or increased pressure to succeed both outside the home and inside the home as mother, homemaker, and wife.

Failed expectations are not the only reason many more women are depressed. But it is a big one. And there are more.


I shall be sending a not-so-very-nice email to this guy 

[[_KaNdii_]]

There is a form on the link that you fill in. I'm guessing he probably won't even read them but worth a shot I guess.

My short essay/letter. Yes, I often write better when annoyed I'll post his reply up, if I get one.


Dear Dennis Prager,

I am writing to you regarding your pseudo-scientific article titled “Why are women so depressed?” Upon seeing the title of this piece, I thought it may have something new to offer but I was quite disappointed to see that it was merely a rehash of the same anti-feminism drivel that has been around for a while.

I am curious as to how you came to the conclusion that an increase in depression among women “can only be the consequences of feminism”? I am also concerned by your few references to the women’s movement that have been made in past tense, as to somehow allude that all has been said and done and there is nothing more to achieve.

You, like many others who carry anti-feminism sentiments (even though you claim otherwise, it is evident), seem to have some strong misconceptions of what the movement has fought for and continues to fight for today. Feminism has never been about creating a strict mould for all women to fit into. Rather, it is quite the opposite. The women’s movement has been strongly built on CHOICE. I cannot emphasize this enough. Whether this is the choice to pursue a successful career and not have kids, the choice to have six children and be a stay-at-home parent or, heaven forbid, the choice to be able to do both. It seems to me that the women you refer have been mislead by what conservatives would like to make of the movement. Another aspect of feminism which is often overlooked is the desire that these choices not only be available to women, but that they are extended to men as well.

So, if you’re looking to blame feminism for an increase in depression, I’m afraid to say you’re barking up the wrong tree. If anything, we should be pointing the finger at social institutions that are still to catch up with, and represent, the core values of this movement. Perhaps, we should also be blaming patriarchy (which you do a great job at exemplifying by the way) because it is still telling women what they should do, still placing barriers in front of them, still refusing to carry out their end of the bargain and most importantly, IT STILL EXISTS.

You say that women derive most of their happiness (and subsequently, their identity) from romantic relationships, like this is meant to be something positive. While many women are now working, their efforts (both paid work and at home) are hugely undervalued. If you worked twice as hard to achieve something but got roughly 70% of the reward as others, and this happened repeatedly, I’m guessing you’d be a bit depressed too. Add this to this fact that most of their domestic effort is not valued at all and you don’t have a great recipe for mental health. 

Do you enjoy carrying around the burden that your “breadwinner abilities” define you as a person? If not, then it is highly hypocritical for you to want a similar thing for women.

In your second-last paragraph, you claim that “most men will work their tails off outside the home, but won’t inside the home”. Do you not see the irony in this? You are blaming feminism for this increase in depression, yet you see a free maid service as your entitlement because you’re male. And what’s worse is that you fail to see what a huge burden this becomes for the woman responsible. If more men picked up after themselves and did some household tasks without being asked to, women would feel less overworked and overwhelmed.

Feminism is not the cause of this helplessness among women but rather it is the failure of men, and society in general, to put the core values of this movement into practice. 

Regards,
A. Feminist

[Sativa Indica]

i dont understand why a person can not work on both equally, why would it have to come down to one vs the other. i mean sure i get the whole pregnancy 9 months off apsect, but that is really not required at all to simple find a partner

but i do have to say that, given my current feelings, id be depressed too if i turn 30, let alone 40, and dont have a family on my own. no amount of cash, drugs and hookers could ever fill that void for me personally.

edit: nice letter

[kittenslayer]

What the fuck?!  I would say Feminists would have way less baggage on their mind!

[piercehawkeye45]

Avoiding the obvious lack of evidence to back the ridiculous claim, does anyone have any ideas on the depression disparity?

If it isn't somehow genetic, I would assume that the reason is very similar to the disparity between depression and suicides in the suburbs compared to elsewhere.

[Al-Naafiysh]

I think it was my brother who told me something about this subject.

He said woman are more likely to be depressed than men, because woman blame things on themselves, whereas men blame others.